Hopping Through The Universe Can Be a Bore
by KyonxHaruhi
Summary: A look at the main characters of SHnY, from the eyes of an insane, Deadpool-type character. Humor! Slapstick! Overused jokes! Read at your own risk. That, or never read it at all.


**A/N: **I don't have a feel for this fandom anymore… how long was I gone from this site again?

Blame Deadpool comics if stuff confuses you.

**Disclaimer: **If Haruhi is god and Kyon is Haruhi's boyfriend, does it mean Kyon is god's boyfriend? I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya, sadly. What I'd give to own _her_… err, never mind. Scratch that last sentence.

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Okay, let's recap:

There's this girl. She's named Suzumiya Haruhi, and she's God. Got that? Good.

There's this guy. For reasons unknown to him, he's called 'Kyon' by everyone else. As such, he isn't at liberty to reveal his true name. Why? Don't know, don't care. Blame Nagaru, he's the insane jackass who wrote that story.

There's this flamboyant esper, Koizumi Itsuki. Loves rambling philosophically, even about mundane things such as pie. (Did I use the term 'flamboyant'? I meant… uh, can't find a term that'll properly describe him without pissing off his fangirls and fanboys. Aaaanyway…)

There's this pathetic moeblob, probably misunderstood by most of the fanbase, Asahina Mikuru. Tends to be clumsy. Whether if this is an act or not remains to be seen. Right, she's also a time traveler, but she rarely contributes in dangerous situations. Perfect damsel-in-distress material, if there ever was one.

There's this tacit and unmoving former glasses girl, named Nagato Yuki. She loves books. Loves them more than your regular bibliophile. Methinks she has a fetish for them. And why not? The other one that was like her had a knife fetish. Also, she's a humanoid alien interface, not that I know what that is. Also has a strange way of saying "Understood," every time an order is given to her.

There's this club, called the SOS-dan (Saving The World By Overloading it with Fun, or if you're picky)

**S**ekai wo

**O**oini moriagerutame no

**S**uzumiya Haruhi no Dan

Which roughly means the same as the definition I gave above.

Got that? Good.

Now, the reason why I neatly summarized the character profile of our wacky cast (and you don't have to buy any tankobon or character material, too!) was simple. Well, not really. No, wait. It's simple. Wait, no. Uh…

Either way, what I'd like to say is, I, the almighty and omnipotent Narrator, am bored of traversing worlds of fiction where giant butcher knives shoot blasts of spiritual energy or kitsune are trapped inside irresponsible boy's guts.

That last part was seriously creepy.

While I'd love to stay in that universe where vampires are blonde and can use this "Marble Phantom" thing and guys can get into accidents, enter a coma, and emerge with killing eyes or the uncanny ability to reproduce swords, I soon realized that my life would be imperiled in such a universe. You can only take too much plot dumps, pointless and horrifying intercourse, and the mention of seafood during said intercourse.

You see, I've been traveling various worlds and entering their universes, taking the form of meaningless bystanders. Of course, I've ensured that I wouldn't be cannon fodder for monster-of-the-weeks or character development-inducing deaths, nor be doomed to repeating the same lines over and over again in a video game. That's why I went to the lengths to get myself a custom sprite, and unique artwork.

But wait, Narrator! You may ask, what if you get integrated into the main cast, or else, be the villain? And I reply, I can't, since I'll limit my appearance to cameos, and take the shape of a popular character from another universe. That way, I have a good excuse: the shameless author just threw me in the story for kicks. I'll get away scot-free, and a lucky bastard out there gets to sue the hell out of some mangaka!

Now that I've sufficiently explained myself, I'm pretty sure you, the dear reader, have deduced why I'm telling you all this, and why I've made a profile of the above characters. If not, then allow me to explain.

I've decided to enter this universe and integrate myself into their community, watching their actions, their interactions, their dialogues, their insane and convoluted scenarios. Wait, this isn't Death Note? Oh, I must be in Code Geass then. Wait, what?! This isn't Code Geass either?!

Dammit!

So as it seems, I'm in a universe that's supposed to screw over my mind, remind me that God can screw me over any second if I piss off a high school student, and pull out blue giant monsters to destroy empty buildings in an empty pocket universe.

I'll be your Lois Lane for this trip of mine, kiddies. Wait, Lois Lane? The girl who couldn't tell Clark Kent was Superman with glasses? Doesn't bode well for my future now, does it?

Anyway, I'll be watching the people I profiled above, taking notes of their every move like the great reporter that I am. I'll give you transcripts, recordings, newspaper articles, and my own personal blog to boot! Isn't that wonderful? I'll be shadowing them, tailing them, taking videos and pictures of their most intimate moments!

Not those intimate moments, kids. Get your minds out of the gutter. Those scenes are for my eyes only.

To end my introduction, I'd like to warn you: I've been driven insane by my wanderings throughout the universes, as my rambling will indicate. Please, turn away if you don't want to hear obscure references and stupid jokes.

That is all. Thank you.

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**A/N:** So, I'll explain. This story's meant to look at how a regular person would see the various members of the SOS brigade. Sure, the Narrator isn't exactly "regular", but he'll do for now.

If you like it, just leave a review and suggest who you want the narrator to "shadow" first. And I'll do my best to make it funny.


End file.
